Attempt #1 : Urgency 9/10. Waited at Urinal #1. Someone came in, took urinal #3. Able to go quite normally. Success. Time to get back into urinal #2.
Attempt #2 : Sat through an hour meeting and drank water all through it. By the end of it I was actually hoping that the group would all take to the bathroom at once. A colleague and I arrived at the bathroom at the same time. He took urinal #3 and I took #1. Urgency about 9/10. No problems at all. Success! This is the sort of "normal" event that for years I never experienced. Felt perfectly normal and natural to use the urinal in this setting. Wish there had been someone to take urinal #2, would have been better practice for me.
Attempt #3 : This one at the bathroom at the mall. Urgency 7/10 but I wanted to try there. Bathroom was quiet, about 10 urinals in a row. Took one near the middle. A few seconds later a guy came in and took the urinal 3 away, he was able to start his flow immediately. I must confess to feeling inadequate since I had about 5 seconds of hesitancy. Thought nothing was going to happen at all and then suddenly I was able to go. A few seconds in another guy came and took the urinal next to me. Felt very strange having a true stranger (rather than someone I know from work) that close but I was able to finish up no problem despite feeling self-conscious. Success! Definately need to practice in this kind of setting more.
Attempt #4 : Back at the office, urgency 8/10. Bathroom empty on arrival, take urinal #1 and wait. Someone comes in and takes urinal #3. They start conversation, 2 seconds hesitancy (which I now consider normal) and am able to go just fine. Success!
Okay, I'm not back to taking Urinal #2 (the middle Urinal) but I feel like I reclaimed some success and I also feel like I'm getting a more normal relationship toward hesitancy. Breaking the chain of :
hesitancy = anxiousness = Shy Bladder
so that it becomes a more normal
hesitancy = normal = able to urinate
is a key step.
All the same, I'm still aware that I'm sparing myself some tough tests, namely going for the center urinal. I hope next week to get back into that mode, I've been long enough in recovery mode.